das Leben ist schön 人生は美しい

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
Read more…

In the land of Mahreishia, it is a country rich with natural resources and multiple ethnicity. In the year 1980 and before, they were so rich that their money is even bigger than Kiasuland currency and buying a Toyota Camry(Corona) was only $30,000 Renggit. Prior to 1980, they had accumulated a lot a lot of money by selling tin and rubber and timber. It was a great place to live in and peoples are living comfortably and everyone was happy. Windfall struck when Mahreishia found black gold (Oil) in 1980’s. So relatively they had plenty of reserve, they can spend however they want and when you say “Ada Wang Ada Amoi” a lot of marriage and population is increasing.

Read more…

One day a fisherman had gone fishing by the riverside.

He caught a Fish.

The fish beg him for freedom…

…and in return the fish will grant him one wish.

The fisherman thinks that one wish is too little. So he asked for 10 wishes instead.

And they began bargaining…..until when the fish finally offer him 3 wishes.

The fisherman then think for a while and say “OK Deal”.

But then he realize the fish is already dead.

Now what is the moral of the story?

$10 can buy a family great dinner in the past.

$10 can buy a kid a burger + a coke today.

That’s inflation.

Why? You ask.

Dunno, I answer.

In Cheeserland, the gahverment prints their Cheezlar paper money everyday. NoNo, not the gahvernment, it’s the AhLongs. They print paper money and gip it to the Cheeserland gahvernment. Cheeserland gahvernment would then exchange similar value of gahvernment bonds to AhLongs. With 10,000,000 cheezlar currency given to gahvernment, 10,000,000 piece of gahvernment bond is gien to AhLongs. This act like a debt agreement, where in future Cheeserland gahvernment need to pay back AhLongs the money to get back those bonds. What happens when one day the AhLongs have 10,000,000,000,000,00,00,00,00 x 10000000 piece of gahvernment bonds? How can the gahvernment pay them back? (think urself)

Cheeserland has the mightiest super-power on earth, and controls a lot of foreign reserves and their military is all over the globe. Cheeserland president Mr. Chezzie controls the world. So what if the gahvernment or Mr. Chezzie hutang Tai Yi Long money and cannot afford to pay back? (look at those huge companies nowadays, when they no money, what they do?) they file for bankruptcy, then sell their stakes to the creditors. So, who is Cheeserland’s creditor? These new creditor will control Cheeserland which would make them the de facto ruler of … the world.

So, now, why Inflation? Because last time there’s only 10000 piece of cheezlar currency available, which makes 1 piece of cheezlar currency valuable. Now, there’s more than 100000000000 piece of cheezlar currency on the market, making 1 piece of cheezlar currency relatively “cheaper” so it no longer worth what it used to.

So, folks out there, do you still wanna save your money in the bank? coz If u got RM10k now, i would suggest you go for an Euro-trip or put downpayment on ur new car. Cos 5 yrs later ur RM10k can only send u to Singapore + Indon trip =P

This is the continuation of FE part 1

AhLongs realized that the world ain’t stupid and it’s a matter of time before everyone discover the truth that they’ve been fooled by AhLongs. So, soft method cannot, mah use force method loh.

A guy name Alex took a piece of rock from floor and declare that it worth $5000, everyone ignored him. He purchased a new laptop and paid with that rock (that he claim worth rm5000) and he got whacked from the shop and masuk lokap.

The cheeserland has deployed thousands of military troops and have their battleship all around the corner of this world. They have the most sophisticated weaponry, GPS system, earthquake-creator device, nature manipulation device, etc. With a click of a button, any city any country of this world will be flooded by Tsunami or even earthquake not created by god. So, one day the cheeserland president took a piece of toilet paper and declare that it worth $9000, and everyone accept it. He went to buy a laptop worth $5000 with a piece of toilet paper, and he got his laptop + $4000 refund in cash. Good deal huh.

*now u see the differences between a weak person (Alex) and a strong person (cheeserland)? that is why they needed so much weapon and kept inventing new weapons & technology. But if it’s peace why would we need so much weapon? We only need such weapons & tech if only there’s war right? So who’s desperate for war now?*

When countries like Cina started to grow strong and proudly host the world sport event, the cheeserland beh syok Cina thus sent them an earthquake at SiZuan for being so proud(bangga). They see jepun untung so much mahney from cheeserland, they demand them to handover their financial system, else they would send earthquake to Nee-ga-taa. And so they did.

Then Cina beh syok loh.. they send a clear message to everyone telling everyone that “LU INGAT GUA FAKE WAN AH”

With the rising powers from the East, the Cheezlar currency cannot sustain long enough. But No fear, because Cheeserland has AhLong ! AhLong has all the gold from all around the world. How come they got so many gold wan? Because, they buy these gold from those Tomb raiders (egyptian or chinese emperors love to bury their treasure & gold with them, so those ppl rob the tomb loh) and those during world war they loot the country treasure. They purchased these gold with cheezlar currency. But most of them were inherited from their great great grandfathers who LOVE to collect treasures & gold, and kept it in a secret dungeon.

So if the world discard cheezlar and go back to Gold-based economy, they still got a lot gold to play with mah. Smart hor… initially got few ounce of gold to support toilet paper, then use the toilet paper to buy all the golds available in the world, then when ppl dowan use toilet paper, they oledi got all the golds dy… KENG AHHH !!!!

Long long time ago… kings and the royal families had a LOT of gold and treasures in their big huge castle. The emperors of the east had a LOT more of gold and wealth and jeweleries and precious stones. Where are they now ?

Remember Indiana Jones movie, inside they mentioned about treasure hunting. How about the treasure that Manchurians hid when/before they attacked mainland China? And was rumored to worth more than trillion dollars back then, and the Manchu emperors spent a lot of effort acquiring it back?

Where are these treasures now? Don’t tell me in the National treasury k… coz any country that has such treasure sure become very powerful and rich dy… and they would definitely not face any economy crisis and their citizens living happily…. So, where are these treasures now?

Tell me your answers please.

Once upon a time, Ah Pi, Ah Ku, Ah Beng, Ah Roi & Ah Pek had a meeting. The outcome of the meeting is that they teamed up and become the founder of AhLong Groups. Under AhLong Groups, a subsidiary name AhLong Gold was formed. Its task is to gather & govern 80% of gold mines on this planet Earth. They soon succeeded and over 90% of the world gold mines/reserves under their control. However, with 80% of gold is not enough for them. 1 piece of gold can only buy a meal and a sex session, but 80% can only get that certain amount. They became greedy, they wanted more.

AhLong went to meet King Lukchard of Ingland, offer to fund its navy expedition
expenses with its huge reserve of gold. So, they formed the first Central Bank in Ingland. £ was the de facto “currency” for world conquest and resulted the great mighty Blitizh Empire. But somehow King Lukchard beh syok the AhLong and kick them out of Ingland.

Holding a grudge on Ingland for kicking them out, they swear to empower other currency to win £. They found the land of cheeserland and created another Central Bank there (but they don’t call it a bank, they call it fehdehlal leserf sistam instead) So they went to the toilet and take a lot a lot of toilet paper and rename it as the currency of cheeserland, cheezlar. To encourage people of cheeserland to use this cheezlar as their currency, they mah say loh…. 35 cheezlar is equivalent to 1 ounce of gold. So if you got 35 cheezlar, u mah redeem 1 ounce of gold. If u got 2 ounce of gold, u can change it for 70 cheezlar loh… u UN anot what is cheezlar …. Macam ringgit lohhh… (plz continue after u understand what cheezlar is)

So hor… they got 1 big big big giant safety box loh… in the safety box got 1000000000000000 ounce of gold, they mah produce 35000000000000000 pieces of cheezlar currency notes. Then everyone started using cheezlar as their currency dy. They buy roti with cheezlar, they pay their rental for cheezlar, etc. So life is easy and happy for AhLong mia member loh.

But as time goes by, they became greedy…. They started to produce more cheezlar notes than the gold reserve that they have. So now the paper money cheezlar on the street is more than the gold to sustain the currency. (meaning 100 ringgit = 100 apple… but now the street got 200 ringgit but u still got 100 apple saja) then that time the cheeserland was at war with a lot country, wanna conquer other countries wohh…. So need a lot money to finance the war. Die dy… cheezlar confidence level crisis liao.. everyone start to change cheezlar for gold dy…. Oh No… gold getting lesser and lesser in safety box dy… If all the peoples of cheeserland redeem the gold… sure not enuff gold dy coz the gold not enough for cheezlar dy. (I know I know it sounds complicated, when I read myself also quite complicated… but then how wohh… u msg me ask me personally lah k I explain)

AhLong is smart wan… The president of cheeserland, Mr Cheezie announce that gold cannot redeem with cheezlar dy. (Stop cheeserland ppl to redeem gold, so they have to stuck with cheezlar) Meaning the people holding cheezlar currency cannot exchange to gold liao, cheezlar is a value by itself dy. So OK loh… people stop changing gold dy… but use cheezlar to buy roti, pay rental, buy salmon fish without questioning dy loh.

AhLong became greedy and created even more cheezlar money from thin air loh. They even offer to lend more cheezlar to cheeserland ppl. Now the street and also the world is full of cheezlar money which is merely a toilet paper, but people still uses it. Afraid that the commoners would realize they are holding useless toilet paper, the AhLong devised a smarter plan to strengthen cheezlar. AhLong representatives went to Arabi Saudd to corrupt the Monarch loh… and secure a GREATTTTTTT deal… of course offer them good deal lah.. but in return they will have 100% control over the petrol price and all petrol must be sold in cheezlar currency. Before this, cheezlar was backed by Gold right? Now no more… coz it’s now backed up by crude oil petrol So smart can…. The confidence level on cheezlar re-established dy. They got even greedy, and took more toilet paper and turn them into cheezlar money ! And more and more nation uses cheezlar to purchase petrol. So now, more cheezlar = more petrol !

One fine day… itu Sudam Hassin of Arabi want to sell petrol in Euro instead of cheezlar money… the AhLong mah very angry loh.. pressure the president of cheeserland to kill him. So they did, they attack Arabi and killed Sudam Hassin, restoring the trade in cheezlar currency.

Then hor.. the cina ahpeks open trade dy, they got cheap labors and blablabla… since so many jepun and Korean kia in cheeserland sell their product so expensive and earn so much, while cheeserland needed to cut cost. Coz hor… stuff became expensive, the citizens commoners of cheeserland couldn’t afford much. Therefore less debt and less usage of cheezlar money dy… things became stagnant. So they mah build factories in Cina and import a LOT a LOT of cheap stuff from Cina loh.. then commoners of cheeserland started spending dy coz the stuff is now affordable.. now cheezlar starts flowing again Cina now have to accept cheezlar money dy loh… coz they export to cheeserland thus accepting cheezlar as payment loh (also part of their deal lah)

(so til now u understand so far ?)

So now an Iphone cost as cheap as a blanket, cheeserland ppl start borrowing more money from AhLong and live a healthy lifestyle. They ate salmon sashimis everyday and maguro tuna as breakfast =P~ then spent too much not enuf money again, no problem ! AhLong is happy to borrow them no need any guarantor or document, as long is citizen of cheeserland, sure get cheezlar money. So more ppl are debted, and more and more debts…. then AhLong mah produce more cheezlar to lend to these ppl, and this goes on like a circle of loops. Until one fine day, the ppl of cheeserland not enuf money to pay back AhLong. AhLong not enuf cheezlar, but no worries coz they can always make new cheezlar out of thin air. But it’s the consumer of cheeserland, they thought they couldn’t pay back the debts, so they cut on their spending, start selling their property and companies start to retrench ppl and got recession dy. Then final result.. the subprime loan issue….. now the ppl of cheeserland very cham loh…. and AhLong kinda lose grap dy…. Cheezlar currency is getting worthless..

Since cheeserland’s 70% products are imported from cinapeks, and the consumer no more willing to buy cinapeks stuff. They stop spending and the only way to survive is to start manufacturing their own things… but then hor.. with this issue, other nation no more confidence with cheezlar dy… coz cheeserland has a lot debts with other nation. They hutang Mareishia a lot money from its import of Getah and Bijih Timah =P and Mareishia dowan cheezlar dy but want in Euro… how ? Nobody wants cheezlar dy, and from supply/demand class we learn that… when demand high, the value/price goes up. If demand low, the value/price is virtually zero.

The fact that cheezlar currency is actually worth as much as toilet paper will soon to be unfold, and to be told…. So I think hor… we should be patriotic and use only Ringgit can? Those who show off his wallet a lot cheezlar currency will soon realize its new usage is to wipe their ass.